Do you know what hurts the most?

It's not when you don't pass your exam
It's not when you have no money
It's not when you lose some friends

It is
When
You realize that you couldn't be a place to back home for the one you love, where you should be.


...

Believe me,
It hurts.


(Saturday night, damn you sore throat)

agustus ini warnanya merah kesumba

panggung nya pun terseret membentuk gradasi warna

aku tidak akan berhenti menari
meskipun pegal sekali kakiku, juga debu kian banyak di selendangku
tapi ini pentasku
akulah penguasa panggung

kamu,
duduk saja disitu

supaya terlihat jelas setiap gerakanku
agar kamu tahu benar, aku menari untukmu

tapi tidak perlu bertepuk tangan,
sebab semesta telah menyematkan penghargaan teragungnya

karena dia sungguh-sungguh tahu,
tentang semua perih
yang selalu aku akhiri dengan sunggingan bibirku

11-08-10

Al-Baqarah - 286

Dear Allah,
terimakasih ya sudah menganggap aku kuat.
:)

Keep Fighting!

One of the most difficult things everyone has to learn is that for your entire life you must keep fighting and adjusting if you hope to survive. No matter who you are or what your position, you must keep fighting for whatever you desire to achieve.

If someone is not aware of this contest and expects otherwise, then constant disappointment occurs, People who fail sometimes do not realize that the simple answer to everyday achievement is to keep fighting.

Health, happiness and success depend upon the fighting spirit of each person. The big thing is not what happens to us in life-but what we do about it when it happens to us.

George H. Allen

(1922 - 1990)

..........

So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard.
We're gonna have to work at this everyday,
but I want to do that because I want you.
I want all of you, forever, everyday.
You and me... everyday.

(Young Noah, The Notebook Movie)

and the story goes..

am a devil, while he's an angel.

p.s : so sorry, but this is the story when devil loves angel.

Reducing weight is fun.

“I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.”

Totie Fields quotes (American Actress, 1930-1978)

That quote is really describing the old me, before i know the key of reducing weight :D

I know i'm still fat now, but i've lost 11,5 kilograms in almost 3 months. Which is not bad :) And i got it without any medicine at all.

And this is BMI category based on WHO :

BMI	CATEGORY
Below 18.5	Underweight
18.5 - 24.9	Healthy
25.0 - 29.9	Overweight
30.0 - 39.9	Obese
Over 40	Morbidly obese

Taken from : http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007196.htm

My BMI was 28,5 kg/m2 which means i was overweight. And now is 24,3 kg/m2.. yippie! I'm healthy now :)

Here is the secret :

Yeah, i only count on this theory. I still eat fried food, cakes, bread, but i count the calories in a day. Because i'm killed if i can't eat those delicious food during reducing weight. I love food, i love eat, and this is the worst thing : i love cooking and baking which means i also eat whatever i cooked or baked. So this is the only diet that suitable for me. And it works.
About physical activity, i choose cardio-training and weight training. I enjoy them much better than aerobic and body language. Why? Because i hate to do workout with some kind of women. They're talking to much, noisy, annoying, and seems that just wanna show off or whatever. I prefer to do workout with men at the weight-training room because they really wanna do the workout seriously, not only "cekakak-cekikik" laughter like those women at aerobic room.

Actually people around me such as my family, close friends and my boyfriend were never complaint about my fat body. I'm the only one who had problems with it. Especially in finding a good and proper clothes to wear :p And now eventhough i haven't reached my goal, and i haven't got that sexy flat abs, i love myself better than before :)

p.s : it's always nice to see the scale's digit shifts to the left..

Cheers :)

do you hear me?




I ' M T A L K I N G T O Y O U

i just wanna cry loudly...

...... and hug my mommy

do not take me to the airport

i don't want you to take me to the airport
because i will miss you more,
even when i'm still in the waiting room

aku pergi ya,
sebentar :)

Because it's always been you..

Dear you,

Sedang apa kamu disana sekarang? Mungkin sedang tidur siang ya, setelah beberapa hari kemarin kamu sibuk ujian dan segala macam tugas dari rumah sakit.

Tidak ada apa-apa kok, aku cuma sedang ingin menulis sesuatu. Karena akhir-akhir ini aku merasa agak sulit untuk bicara tentang semuanya.

Aku sedang ingat semua tentang kita. Tentang semuanya. Sejak 5 tahun lalu ketika kita mulai mencoba menyamakan langkah, supaya tak ada diantara kita yang tertinggal di belakang. Hari ini langkah kita masih sejajar. Aku, iya aku tau kamu juga, ingin kita tetap seperti ini.

Hari ini.

Hari dimana kita sudah melewati banyak episode. We grow up together. We share laughters and tears. Terserah saja kalau orang bilang kita ini anak kecil yang baru pacaran kemarin sore, karena cuma kita yang tahu betapa semua hal yang harus kita hadapi sudah terlampau mendewasakan kita, bahkan sebelum waktunya. Terserah saja kalau banyak mata menyepelekan sesuatu yang kita sebut cinta. Karena, sekali lagi, cuma kita yang tahu tentang bahagia dan lelah yang kita sudah lewati sampai hari ini. Seperti katamu waktu itu, kita sudah mengalami segala macam perasaan. Dan tidak seharusnya kita menyerah.

Kamu tahu tidak, aku selalu hampir menangis kalau ingat pesan singkat yang waktu itu kamu kirim.
"iya.. percayalah aku akan berbuat apapun biar sama-sama adek terus :)"
(09-12-2009 --- 15.14)

Padahal aku selalu berpikir, kamu akan baik-baik saja kalau aku tidak ada. Akulah satu-satunya orang yang akan tertegun dan sulit untuk melangkah, karena semestinya ada kamu disitu. Because it's always been you.

Aku tidak tahu apalagi yang akan terjadi setelah ini. Cerita macam apalagi yang harus kita hadapi. Setapak dengan berapa milyar batu lagi yang mesti kita susuri pelan-pelan supaya tidak jatuh dan berdarah lagi. Tapi aku akan tetap harus menata langkah dan melindungi hatiku.


Dan aku,

aku masih ingin melihat kamu duduk di ruang tamu rumahku, di kursi kesayanganmu itu.

aku masih ingin membuatkan segelas es teh manis buat kamu.

aku masih ingin melihat senyummu saat mencium wangi roti keju kesukaanmu yang masih hangat. Atau risoles yang sering kamu rindukan itu. -------- janji, nanti aku buatkan lagi :)

aku masih ingin mendengar kamu marah karena aku tidak juga membawa antasida dan obat migrain ku di tas.

aku masih ingin mendengar kamu mengatakan aku sombong karena berjam-jam tidak menghubungi kamu.

aku masih ingin menceritakan mimpi-mimpi muluk di pikiranku, dan kemudian terheran kenapa kamu lebih yakin bahwa aku bisa mencapai mimpi itu dibanding aku sendiri.

........


i wanna be with you forever,

but i don't know if i can't have you anymore.




i love you,
as always.

---short message service---

me : aku lupa, seperti apa rasanya bahagia?

her : seperti saat kamu tersenyum waktu makan es krim.